Showing Compassion Changes YOU
Bringing Love and Caring Back Into Your Life
--
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my life that I forget how to care about others. But during times when I show compassion to another person, I realize it changed my own life.
In our small town in Iowa, we live next to a row of duplex condominiums. While walking my dogs past these homes, I have met several of our neighbors, including Amber, a single mom raising a teenage daughter.
A couple summers ago, I noticed Amber had trimmed some of her trees but left the branches and leaves in a random pile next to the curb.
For branches to be picked up for recycling here, they have to be cut into four-foot lengths and grouped into bundles tied with string. But week after week, the ragged pile of branches sat on the lawn next to Amber’s driveway.
Finally, I decided to do something nice for this neighbor. So I gathered my tree trimmers, a rake, a broom, and a ball of twine and headed to Amber’s home. For the next couple of hours, I cut the branches into short lengths and tied them in bundles.
Then I raked up the leaves and debris and put them into a special bag that city staff would pick up with the trash. Finally, I swept the leftover grime off Amber’s driveway and sidewalk, then gathered my tools and quietly headed back home.
The next day, city workers loaded the branches and the bag of leaves into their truck and took them away.
No one knew
I felt good about doing something nice and I didn’t expect a thank-you or other response. The house had looked quiet the day I worked on this project, and I just assumed that Amber wasn’t home.
When I took my dogs for a walk a few days later, I noticed Amber pulling weeds in her front yard. I stopped to say hello and chatted briefly before getting ready to continue my walk. But Amber stopped me and said, “I know what you did, and I want to say thank you.”
When I asked what she meant, Amber said, “I was inside my home watching you the whole time you were cleaning up my branches. But I was crying so hard that I couldn’t come out and say thank you. No one has ever done anything that nice for me, especially people I don’t even know. And I appreciated it so much.”
With that, she jumped up and hugged me.
Simple acts of compassion can bring rainbows into people’s lives and can change their days as well as their outlook. And many times, you won’t ever know what your actions meant to those who received your compassion.
But you will realize that you felt better as a result of caring for another person.
How compassion happens
Compassion begins with having an empathetic response to the distress or suffering of another person. In some cases, the needs are obvious.
But other times, you simply get a sense that someone needs a little help or kindness. Then you take steps to do mindful and intentional behaviors that show you care about the wellbeing of another person.
Compassion doesn’t happen in isolation. Instead, acts of compassion occur as a response to someone’s need or dilemma. Here are three steps or factors involved with an act of compassion:
Notice — Feel — Do
1. Notice
Before compassion kicks in, you have to notice someone needs help. Maybe you have an ill friend who needs transportation or a meal.
Or you learn about an exhausted new mother who needs help caring for a fussy baby. Perhaps your teen is struggling with math and is worried about failing the class.
In our busy lives, it’s easy to look the other way and hope things work out for these people. But it doesn’t take much effort to notice someone’s need and respond by reaching out and providing help or guidance.
This means paying attention to the child who looks forlorn or helping the neighbor whose trash container fell over.
Noticing a need can happen in an instant as you hold a door open for someone or greet a fellow church member.
But other times, as in the situation with my neighbor Amber, it might take weeks or months to realize there’s a need.
Sometimes I’m so preoccupied with my own troubles that I forget to pay attention to how other people are doing.
I might think, “I’m tired. I don’t have the time. I don’t want to get involved. I don’t know what to say or do.” And then I do nothing.
Of course, sometimes there are good reasons to not stop and care for another. Perhaps the situation doesn’t feel safe or people don’t appear open to our actions.
But if we become too cautious and constantly look the other way, we can miss a lot of miracles and the joy that comes from helping others.
2. Feel
To show compassion, you need to feel empathy, which involves being emotionally moved by someone’s misfortune or need. Instead of just thinking about that person’s problem, you bring empathy forward and feel something in response to the situation.
Suppose a few miles from where you live, a house catches fire. As you watch the images on the TV news, you think about how awful that must be for the family who lost their home.
You might feel sad for them and what they are going through. Right now, you are feeling sympathy. But at that point, no one is benefitting from your sadness.
But later that evening, you look up the address and realize the home is close to where your kids go to school. In fact, your child is in the same class as one of the family members.
As you picture that child not having school clothes or books, you consider how you would feel if your own child lost all belongings.
Your sadness builds and you sense how painful it must be for this family. You might squirm a little as you imagine the horrors of this house fire and the family’s great losses. Now you are feeling empathy.
Your heart gets involved and you begin to think about how you could help them in some way. Feeling empathy requires putting yourself in their shoes and imagining what’s going on with them.
Of course, this level of emotion takes energy. If you’re worn out, overwhelmed, or highly stressed, you might shut down those feelings.
But even if you don’t do anything right away, feeling empathy for a situation helps you stay aware of the need for compassion.
3. Do
Once you feel empathy, you consider how you could take action or do something.
You think about ways to help relieve the distress or suffering someone is going through. You want people to know they are not alone and someone cares about their pain.
An act of compassion doesn’t need to be a big, life-changing gift. Sometimes it’s simply to offer words of encouragement and support.
Another time it might include a physical response where you do something that will help with the problem.
In the case of the house fire, you could donate a box of clothing and household items. Maybe you could bring the family some food or purchase a gift card for groceries. As you send or deliver your gifts, you complete the important third step — you do something.
Without that step, an act of compassion does not exist. Although it’s great that you notice or have feelings about someone’s pain or suffering, taking action brings compassion to life.
In our busy world, it’s easy to ignore the needs of those around us. Yet compassion affects every aspect of our lives and when we do it well, it creates miracles.
As you work at showing compassion, it will eventually become an attitude and a way of life. Over time, you will grasp why compassion is so important, and you will naturally identify yourself as a compassionate person. It will become part of who you are.
Build a habit of watching every day for opportunities to show compassion.
Then follow the three steps: notice, feel, do.
